Friday, February 1, 2013

Scientific Classifications of Homeschool Moms

After an exhaustive 20-year-study of the genus "homeschoolus motherus", scientist have been able to classify them into several main species. Note there are several sub-species, but this article does not cover those. There are some traits common to species which made the classification difficult. Cross-breeding has also yielded many mothers that exhibit traits from several species.

Healthfoodus - This mother will not allow anything artificial to touch the bottom of her shopping cart. She knows what essential oil to put on your boo boo. She owns sensible shoes and wears them to even the most dressy events. She has a huge garden in her backyard and is currently fighting the homeowner's association to allow chickens. She also knows the difference between a chicken and a rooster.

Politicus Activus - This mother has no less than ten pictures of her with various politicians which she proudly displays along with pictures of her immediate family. Her children have memorized the Bill of Rights from age 4. She is a pistol packing momma and a date with her husband might include skeet shooting or a trip to the gun range. Her FaceBook profile picture is the American flag. 

Curriculum Junkus - This mother knows every curriculum out there because she has purchased it at one time or another. She has a large collection of demo DVDs. She uses the homeschool curriculum fair vendor map to schedule out a plan to hit every booth. She brings a backpack for all the flyers and it includes her lunch which she eats while she walks from the 11:15 vendor to the 11:30 vendor.

Bookus Collectus - This mother has large bookcases on every wall surface of her home. She usually has two or three copies of several select books because she forgot she had purchased it or cannot locate it when needed. She has three books on her nightstand which she is reading simultaneously. She also has four sets of reading glasses which she can never find. If you need an out-of-print book, this mother has it. Don't confuse this mother with a curriculum junkus. Her book collection may contain some curriculum, but the presence of out of print curriculum will help you distinguish that this is bookus collectus and not a curriculum junkus.

Smartus as a Whipus - This mother has a master's degree in something you have never heard of. She is currently trying to be a contestant on Jeopardy and plays various word games with her friends online. She has usually travelled extensively. These mothers usually run in packs but are quite friendly.

Science Nutus - This mother has no less than three microscopes in various locations throughout her home. Any dead insect eye, wing or leg must be viewed through said microscopes. She has a sheep heart and cow eye in her freezer for future dissection projects. Test tubes can be found amongst her dishes. She has a family membership to the local science museum. Any moldy food in the refrigerator must be viewed by all family members and any unsuspecting visitor.

Hot Homeschool Womanus - This mother wears full makeup to workout at her local gym. She will never be seen in "mom jeans" and doesn't own a pair of comfortable shoes. She will cancel coffee with you in a heartbeat if her salon calls to tell her they can fit in her eyebrow waxing. Her nail are always perfect. She goes on a cruise with her husband regularly.

Note: I'm a homeschool mom too. If we can't laugh at ourselves, we should laugh at each other. Smile.

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Anonymous said...

Which one was I?? ;)

Maybe that's why I don't homeschool anymore...
I just didn't "fit in"! :) :) :)


Anonymous said...

Better yet...which one are
you? ;) This was a fun post!!


Frazzled Mom said...

I'm not falling for that one Melissa. You know very well which ones you are!

Frazzled Mom said...

M - I'm pretty much a "Healthfoodus" a tiny bit "Science Nutus" but I really wanna be a "Hot Homeschool Womanus"!

Chareen said...

Pleased to meet you :) This is brilliant. I'm so glad I found you via the Homeschool Chick :)

Frazzled Mom said...

Chareen - user error (me) caused your last comment regarding your classification to be deleted. Can you resend? Sorry.

Chareen said...

No worries :)

I'm Bookus Collectus and not far behind that I qualify for Curriculum Junkus

~Amanda. said...

Just a tiny bit "Science Nutus"? You came up with scientific classifications for us home educators! Little bit more than 'tiny bit', me thinks. LOL

As for me, I probably slot quite nicely into "Bookus Collectus". I will proudly hold this classification and might even display it on my wall...if I can find an empty space. ;)

Linda said...

Hmmm... not sure that I fit into any of those, really! But - Curriculum Junkus - would be the closest! Thanks for the fun read! :)

SarahElisabeth said...

Very funny! I'm a Bookus Collectus with a trait of Science Nutus!

Lisa McClanahan said...

Love it! I am a Bookus Collectus & a Curriculum Junkus. When I grow up maybe I'll be a Hot Homeschool Womanus!!


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