Tonight I received devastating news. A friend has died. She was a beautiful, vibrant woman who suffered from mental illness. She was a mother of two who loved her children very much. We met in a La Leche meeting when we were both young mothers. We bonded immediately. I was drawn to her big smile and happy attitude. Little did I know it hid an awful pain. As I began to know her more, she revealed a painful side to me. After an attempted suicide, we drew close. I loved her and ministered God's love to her.
Her split personality became unbearable. Often the person on the phone speaking to me wasn't my friend, but her tortured split personality. The last conversation the alter ego became nasty. I spoke right to it. Right to the evil. I told it not to call. I told it only my friend could call and that I would not entertain evil any longer. The alter ego had taken over. It was present more than my friend. That evil took my friend on December 23. I have a hard time believing the report of suicide. That it's real. The timing was horrible for her family.
It's hard for me to celebrate this New Year. Knowing that 2009 will be without my friend on this earth. I mourn for her children. The pain they must feel. Christmas will be a sad time for them for the rest of their lives. I pray that the Holy Spirit will be Comforter to them.
Death is painful enough. Suicide is unbearable. What pain she must have been in.
Our birthday's were on the same day... She once sent a bookmark to me with our birthday verse handwritten on the back.. Romans 8:28... And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
It's hard for me to see how God will work this for his good... but he will. God did not cause her suicide nor did he want it. But he is God and he will weave our pain into something that can be used for his glory... maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. I'm hanging onto this verse for comfort right now. I know she loved Jesus very much. I know her pain and suffering is over. I know Jesus is holding her close.
I know there was nothing I could do to prevent her death... but I can't help feeling there was something else I could have done. Something I could have said. I miss her.
Pray for her family as they deal with the tragedy.